Clubs braced for transfer lottery draw

Bill Hack chief football correspondent

Premier League clubs are bracing themselves for the annual transfer-linking lottery draw on Tuesday night.

The event, run by the British tabloid press, will see teams and players drawn together in a completely random manner, leading to an avalanche of transfer speculation and rumour.

Although the results are based on nothing more than the luck of draw, managers nervously anticipate any shock ties or extremely lucky  direct hits, which can send prices soaring.

This year’s draw will mark 20 days to go before the start of the new season.

“It certainly is a nervous time of the year,” said one Premier League manager. “There’s always a chance, however remote, that we get linked to a genuine target and that is disastrous for us because the price goes soaring.”

But the tabloids emphasised the benefits of the system that has been operating for more than  half a century.

“The great thing is that it’s a complete lottery,” said a spokesperson from the tabloid press.

“Its not based on fact or anything – just simple chance. There is so much less work to do. Brilliant.

“Of course they are never going to happen but it gives the papers something to say and sell, the fans something to dream about over the long hard summer, and the players and agents something to grow their modest egos with.”

Despite the entirely random nature of the draw, very occasionally the draw prompts a genuine transfer.

In 2006 fans across the globe were surprised when Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano were drawn together with West Ham and then stunned when the two world class performers went on to sign for the struggling Hammers.

This year’s event is later than normal due to the World Cup in South Africa.

The quadrennial tournament meant that a number of the world’s best players and top transfer-linking personalities took an extended holiday – preventing them from being linked.

The event had to be further postponed as England’s abject performance in the tournament put off the fans for a few days.

* This story is 100% fiction