News: Rooney reveals secret behind form

Manchester United and England forward Wayne Rooney has revealed the secret behind his supreme run of form this season – he has learnt how to count to ten.

The 23-year-old striker insists his high-profile disciplinary problems are now in the past after seeing a specialist who has taught him the numbers from six to ten – thus allowing him to control his temper.

“The gaffer kept telling me to count to 10 when someone annoyed me on the pitch, and I tried so hard,” Rooney confessed.

“But when I got up to seven, I didn’t know what came next. Was it nine, ten, seventeen? It made me so f**king mad! I just had to stamp on someone’s balls or kick them in the crotch.

“Then one day, the gaffer sat me down with my agent, close family and hangers-on and said I had a problem and that I needed to see someone… professionally. I told them I’m no head case and there was no need. But he insisted and he set me up with an edulacationalist who specialises in numbers and stuff.

“I see him once a week and we go over things, work on my counting, and stuff and its good.

“He’s shown me some great te.. tec.. techni… he’s shown me some cool stuff like using your fingers and toes to count. It’s hard though, when you’re playing cos, you cant see your toes. And that’s why I don’t use gloves anymore. I’m not stupid.”

Rooney also credits fatherhood – his wife Coleen gave birth to a human baby last year, which led to speculation and allegations in the national press – for giving him a new level of maturity and greater perspective on life.

“I’m loving being a father. Coleen keeps complaining about all the burping, dribbling and fixation with her breasts but I’m getting better – I have to now, I’m a dad after all.”

* This story is manufactured from 100% fiction

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