Critics slam Rooney’s scriptwriter for ‘obvious’ plot

Critics and football goers have slammed Wayne Rooney’s scriptwriter for an ‘obvious, overly contrived and merciless’ plot twist in the Manchester United and England striker’s quest to win the World Cup.

With just 70 days to go before the showpiece event in South Africa, Rooney went down with an ankle injury in the Champions League quarter-final match against Bayern Munich on Wednesday.

The development has injected tension, intrigue and drama into the Rooney saga as he hobbles around on crutches, awaits the latest medical bulletins and faces a potential race against time for fitness and form to fulfil his World Cup destiny.

“Oh come on,” said one football goer. “It is the most obvious and contrived story line since Titanic.

“We have all been saying for the last three months, ‘wouldn’t it be a disaster if Rooney were injured before the World Cup’. And they go and do it.

“It is not even remotely original. They did it in 2006 and we all remember what happened then. They tried to do too much – Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney struggling for fitness, a quarter-final date with destiny against bitter rivals Portugal, who had beaten us two years before, led by arch-nemesis and villain Ronaldo and obviously penalties. And they just could not pull it off and it back-fired spectacularly.”

But Rooney’s scriptwriter – also the author of Flintoff’s Ashes – responded by insisting it would have been implausible not to have crippled the star.

“The narrative was becoming boring, dull and tedious – he was scoring shit loads of goals and being touted as one of the best in the world. It was all far too obvious!”

However, critics have accused the writers of ruthlessly ‘toying with fans’ emotions’ as thousands of supporters plummet from dizzying hope and expectation to dangerously low levels of despair.

The musical score has also come in for heavy criticism as the writers were accused of giving the events the ‘X-factor treatment’.

Emotive music blared out of the stadium’s sound system – just in case any fans were unaware of the significance of the situation, unable to form their own emotions or, worse, intent on making their own judgements – as Rooney collapsed into a heap in slow-motion and medical staff scramble to reach their fallen star.

*This story was constructed almost entirely from fiction

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