Scientists: CL semi ‘never happened’

Scientists believe they have finally solved one of the most elusive riddles of life, the universe and everything after a football match in Europe was deemed not to have happened because no-one in England witnessed it.

The Champions League semi-final clash between Bayern Munich and Lyon was scheduled for Tuesday night.

But, after all the English clubs were eliminated from the competition, scientists seized on the chance to test a question that had infuriated the greatest minds for thousands of years.

And the results were conclusive – there was not a trace of evidence suggesting that a match had taken place leaving scientists to conclude it did not happen.

“It’s one of the most famous riddles the universe has thrown at humankind – if a football match is played in Europe, and no one in England witnesses it, did it really happen?” said professor and philosopher Robin Schodenberger.

“Now we have a resounding, indisputable answer – no, no, no!

“It feels great to finally solve this mystery.”

Initially there were fears that the second semi final between Inter Milan and Barcelona would similarly vanish without trace.

But with the sumptuous football of Barcelona and the indomitable ego of Jose Mourinho, such doubts were quickly dispelled.

However, UEFA are now debating who should play Inter Milan or Barcelona in the final of the Champions League.

And the discovery could have far reaching ramifications for the rest of the game with non-league matches and Wigan Athletic matches for the past decade set to be expunged from history.

It was the scientists second significant breakthorugh in recent months after locating the so-called ‘God particle’ whizzing around the Nou Camp at astronomical speeds.

The scientists named the particle ‘Lionel Messi’ and are hoping for another sighting in the Nou Camp tonight.


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