Experts: Heskey so last season

standard class dressed as world class?

Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

Emile Heskey’s World Cup hopes suffered another severe blow today after fashion experts branded the Aston Villa striker ‘so last season’.

Heskey appeared certain of a place in Don Fabio Capello’s provisional 30-man squad for the World Cup finals in South Africa this summer.

But, following some indifferent club form and the damning verdict of renowned fashion expert Gok Juan, he could now be the highest profile casualty of tomorrow’s squad announcement.

“OMG Emile is so last season,” said Juan. “I can’t believe we are still talking about him. Its 2010! Where is the aesthetic appreciation and seamless finish.

“Sure there was a time when a bit of Emile brought a lot to any ensemble with his broad, big strong frame and selfless work rate. He caused a sensation and made everyone around him look good.

“But, come on, that was seasons ago now. There is no way I would be seen dead with Emile in South Africa this summer.”

Heskey has long been a fashion victim – regularly fleeting between in and out of fashion in the eyes of the British public.

Don Fabio is known to admire the retro ‘classical English number nine’, which was brought back in homage to the 1950s.

The Italian even described it as ‘daring, brave, bold and, yes sometimes, beautiful’ last season.

But being Italian, having worked in Milan and with a name like Fabio, he will surely not be able to ignore the advice from such a renowned expert of fashion.

Instead, the Italian may opt for Bobi Zamora, who is currently among the most fashionable players in the Premier League.

His understated style and Velcro touch have caused a sensation in London this Spring – the striker has even caused a stir in Europe – and he could be in line for a surprise call up for the international event in South Africa.

But Juan is not convinced the Zamora obsession will last. “Bobi is definitely the one everyone wants to be heard talking about right now,” said Juan. “He’s attained ‘it’ status, especially after changing his name from Bob Moran.

“But the secret is out. He’s losing his under-rate status, which is catastrophic in this business, and is dangerously close to being over-rate. “Besides this summer it is going to be all about pace. It’s the must-have essential for South Africa.”

Gok Juan will be keeping you up to date with the latest trends and fashions as he writes exclusively for SportingBalls throughout the 2010 World Cup.

* This story was stitched up from a vast array of different lies.

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