Beckham ‘speechless’ at England comms role

Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

David Beckham admits he was ‘speechless’ after being asked by Don Fabio Capello to be England’s communications director at the World Cup in South Africa.

The former England captain’s hopes of going to the World Cup were shattered when he ruptured ankle ligaments whilst playing for AC Milan.

But the England manager has asked him to travel with the squad as his right-hand man and chief communicator and conduit between the players and the Italian management.

“Yeh…er…em…er… I’m speechless,” Beckham confirmed.

Beckham’s famed mastery of the written and spoken word, with his succinct and pithy style, made him the ideal candidate for the job.

And Don Fabio believes his ability to decipher the cliché-ridden mumblings of professional footballers as well as deliver rousing Churchillian speeches prior to kick off will make him an invaluable asset in South Africa.

Since becoming a part-time footballer after the World Cup in 2002, Beckham’s communication skills have been in high demand with no notable successes.

He recently received high praise from politicians and commentators for his role as chief negotiator in securing the new Conservative-Liberal coalition government, and is being caught by Barrack Obama, who wants him as his primary speechwriter.

“Yeh, its good ’n nat. I’m gonna go to World Cup. It’ll be good ‘n nat,” said Beckham after returning from Columbia, where he secured the release of 30 English and Spanish hostages.

“My Italini is getting good and is nearly as best as my English.

“Hostage negotiating is easy. It’s like Chinese whispers – only in English,”

Asked about his partnership with Don Fabio, Beckham said: “Me and Don Fabio are in common much. He likes Opera, I like X-factor. He likes Italian food, and I’m a massive fan of pizza hut. It’s good.”

While Don Fabio confirmed Beckham will fulfil exactly the same role as he was earmarked for prior to his injury, a non-playing squad member, the Italian also suggested the former captain’s remit would stretch to be in charge of tictacs.

* This story is constructed from the purest fiction


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