Red Cross Deployed Ahead Of ‘World Cup Carnage’

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Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

The Red Cross have deployed a fleet of vehicles across England in their ‘biggest humanitarian operation ever’ amid fears of World Cup carnage.

The international humanitarian organisation has commandeered thousands of civilian vehicles across the country to patrol the streets and offer emergency medical aid to England fans.

They fear excess drinking, extreme violence and the inevitable, yet sudden, evaporation of hope and crushing of transient dreams could cause devastation and lead to one of the ‘greatest humanitarian disasters’ ever.

Thousands of cars are now flying the famous red and white flag after charitable people donated their vehicles to the cause – and hundreds of white van men have even trained as nurses to provide on the spot care.

“We are indebted to all those generous and compassionate people who this morning are flying the flag of humanity,” offered one volunteer.

“It is the greatest operation we have ever under taken and one of utmost importance.”

“The hundreds of people wandering the streets after being kicked out of their temporary accommodation at the Swann and Duck, the tears, the blood, the BO – and that is only after the Group stage.

“If we reach the semi-final and penalties- then God help us. It just does not bare thinking about, but we have to.”

The Red Cross were called in after the Football Association’s plan to immunise the country against unrealistic expectations backfired with Fulham’s European heartache causing despair across the country.

The organisation, who specialise in the prevention and clear-up of disaster, will continue the recruitment drive in the coming weeks.

Wayne the white van man said: “It truly is an honour to serve.

“The thought of all those grief stricken people pouring out of pubs, drunk and with nowhere to go is enough to move anyone one to tears.

“Those poor delluded fools. If we can do anything to help them, it truly is a beautiful thing.”

 

* This story is constructed from 100% fiction

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