Liverpool Blow Budget On ‘Transfer Coup’

Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

Liverpool are today celebrating a “massive transfer coup” after blowing their entire transfer budget on £6million man Rafa Benitez – in what the club are hailing as the ‘severance of the season’.

Benitez was sacked yesterday after one of moment of magic – winning the 2005 Champions League Final – and six years of mediocrity as Liverpool manager.

The “massive transfer coup” cost a staggering £6million – the entirety of Liverpool’s summer spending budget – and the club confirmed they would not be making any more signings or sackings this year.

But the club declared it was more than satisfied with their summer business, describing it as “one of the great severances of recent times”.

“It is entirely true we have no money left,” a club spokesman told SportingBalls. “I could not even lend you a fiver.

“In fact, we didn’t have the money before making this gamble, but sometimes an opportunity presents itself and you just have to take it.

“It is a great piece of business for the club and supporters should excited by what it will bring to the team.

“Six million is an astonishingly good figure for such a massive transfer coup and people are going to look back on this as one of the great severance of recent times.

“The bloke ate six millions worth per season at the post match buffet.”

Liverpool assured anxious fans that they would talk to some of the “best managers” in the game, before appointing the cheapest and easiest option Kenny Dalglish.

With the club demanding a thrifty individual who is accustomed to penny-pinching, the Scottish-scouse fits the bill perfectly.

Star player Steven Gerrard admitted Benitez’s departure could be a “massive weight off” with the former manager having insisted on him carrying the team for the past five seasons as penance for beating him at chess in 2005.

Benitez is said to be considering hanging up his joke-shop goatee and glasses and going back to his routes – around Europe as a lorry driver importing and exporting vegetables.

* This story is constructed from fiction

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