Bill Hack chief football correspondent
Experts have confirmed that England’s ‘golden generation’ has lost 93.6% of its value over the past two weeks.
The rapid depreciation comes after world renowned experts gathered in South Africa to value national collections from every country.
The result was devastating for England as they left embarrassed after their collection was exposed as ‘mock gold or bronze at best’.
Prized asset, Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney, who had been touted as one of the most precious and expensive jewels in the world was exposed as a sham and is now worth just £30.12 per kilo.
The FA had hope to sell off the national gold reserve but there have been no bidders as yet – forcing England manager Don Fabio Capello to explore other options.
So disillusioned was Don Fabio by Shaun Wright-Philips’ performances during the tournament, that the Italian immediately stuffed the Manchester City winger into an A4 envelope on his return to England and sent him off to Cash for Gold.
To his delight, Capello received a pencil sharpener and novelty key rings four days later.
SPORTING BALLS 
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