Posts tagged ‘American sport’

February 8, 2010

America on alert after Super Bowl high-jack

Fans across the world watched in astonishment and horror last night as the USA’s annual “We love America” extravaganza descended into chaos as hundreds of men stormed the arena and a mass brawl broke out.

Angry and aggressive young men, claiming ironically to be “Saints”, invaded the main arena and brought havoc to the yearly festival, which celebrates all that is great about the great nation (from shameless commercialism to sob-story talent shows, military might, undistinguished celebrities and the pursuit of heart disease through extreme over-eating)

Analysts are describing it as ‘the greatest national security breach in living memory’. President Obamarama was in talks with advisors in the Whitehouse last night as they considered an ‘appropriate response’.

Sources insist a ‘military option’ has not been ruled out and an attack on a smaller nation in order to re-establish play-ground status and street cred remains a possibility.

The ‘stunt’ is thought to have been timed to cause maximum embarrassment with nations around the world tuned into to watch the sole remaining super-power wallow in national pride and raise money for the bankers and corporate types who have endured such a tough year. The motives of the “Saints” remain unknown, but their claim to be “playing football” was immediately exposed as they used their hands, not feet, to control the ball.

It is thought the anarchists fooled security staff by posing as part of the Parade of Power fashion show – one rebel dubbed himself a ‘special team choreographer’. They were waved into the arena wearing leggings, and extreme shoulder pads, which are set to be all the rage this spring. Fashion industry insiders said the real genius of their disguise was the golden helmets that were interpreted as a new take on a classical classic recycled from Roman times.

Security staff managed to clear the arena briefly for the main event – a gig by The Who followed by a marathon of adverts – but the men invaded the arena a second time after having a break for refreshments, including cocktails said to enhance performance.

US jets flew over the scene but it was deemed too dangerous to launch a strategic airstrike.

The stadium crowd was said to be ‘stuck to their seats’ with new narrow streamline design to blame for their inability to wiggle free from their seats. Many of the onlookers yelled abuse at the intruders but refused to become involved in the brawl until they had finished their hot dogs and pizza.

The men, all three thousand of them, are now at large and said to be ‘extremely dangerous’.

* Warning: this account of events is entirely fictitious and has no basis in reality.