Posts tagged ‘champions League’

May 24, 2010

Mourinho’s Dilemma As Barnet Make Offer

Mourinho's dilemma

Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

Jose Mourinho’s proposed move to Real Madrid is in serious doubt tonight after Barnet FC offered the Inter Milan manager the chance to lead them out of the fourth tier of English football.

The former Chelsea and Porto manager has indicated his desire to leave Inter after winning the European Champions League final on Saturday night – completing an epic treble for the Italian club.

He was widely tipped to join Real Madrid in a £40milion deal but the English League Two are thought to have come in with an 11th hour offer leaving Mourinho with an agonising dilemma.

The position of Barnet manager has become available after the dismissal of previous manager Ian Hendon.

“Jose has a lot of thinking to do,” a bloke told SprtingBalls.

Rich in history and adorned in prestige, Barnet FC would be the obvious choice for the aspiring manager.

But Mourinho would seek to be guaranteed full control over team affairs,  which could cause tension between him and director of football Paul Fairclough.

And Mourinho may be unwilling to return to English football so soon after leading Shrewsbury Town to promotion.

* Disappointingly this story is not true.

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April 28, 2010

Scientists: CL semi ‘never happened’

Scientists believe they have finally solved one of the most elusive riddles of life, the universe and everything after a football match in Europe was deemed not to have happened because no-one in England witnessed it.

The Champions League semi-final clash between Bayern Munich and Lyon was scheduled for Tuesday night.

But, after all the English clubs were eliminated from the competition, scientists seized on the chance to test a question that had infuriated the greatest minds for thousands of years.

And the results were conclusive – there was not a trace of evidence suggesting that a match had taken place leaving scientists to conclude it did not happen.

“It’s one of the most famous riddles the universe has thrown at humankind – if a football match is played in Europe, and no one in England witnesses it, did it really happen?” said professor and philosopher Robin Schodenberger.

“Now we have a resounding, indisputable answer – no, no, no!

“It feels great to finally solve this mystery.”

Initially there were fears that the second semi final between Inter Milan and Barcelona would similarly vanish without trace.

But with the sumptuous football of Barcelona and the indomitable ego of Jose Mourinho, such doubts were quickly dispelled.

However, UEFA are now debating who should play Inter Milan or Barcelona in the final of the Champions League.

And the discovery could have far reaching ramifications for the rest of the game with non-league matches and Wigan Athletic matches for the past decade set to be expunged from history.

It was the scientists second significant breakthorugh in recent months after locating the so-called ‘God particle’ whizzing around the Nou Camp at astronomical speeds.

The scientists named the particle ‘Lionel Messi’ and are hoping for another sighting in the Nou Camp tonight.