Posts tagged ‘Theo Walcott’

June 2, 2010

Palmer Retires After World Cup Snub


Palmer: Axed for World Cup


Bill Hack Chief football correspondent 

England midfielder Carlton Palmer has formally retired from international football after his striking omission from Don Fabio Capello’s World Cup squad. 

The former Sheffield Wednesday and Leeds midfielder had been hopeful of making the plane to South Africa this summer after Michael Carrick, Tom Huddlestone and Scott Parker failed to impress. 

But when the FA finally released the names of those to be involved, the veteran holding midfield was not among them. 

Palmer is said to have been ‘mortified’ and flown into a ‘terrifying rage’, taking a baseball bat to his belongings before sobbing uncontrollably into Garth Crooks’ lap. 

Palmer demanded face-to-face talks with England boss Don Fabio. However, the Italian ignored the midfielder’s demands plea, insisting that he had never heard of the 44-year-old favourite of Graham Taylor. 

But he later released a statement that read: “I am naturally disappointed by my omission from the World Cup squad. But I fully respect Don Fabio’s decision and wish the players who will travel the best of luck in South Africa.” 

As predicted on this site on Monday, Arsenal winger Theo Walcott was also omitted from the squad after his request to travel to Disneyland instead. 

Walcott was not available for comment. 

England were permitted to name a 24-man squad compared to their rivals’ 23-man restriction, with FA lawyers successfully arguing that Michael Carrick and Emile Heskey are ‘half the players they should be’. 

The squad announcement was delayed by several hours prompting a shambolic afternoon of speculation, rumour and tweeting. 

The delay, according to the FA, was caused by a faulty battery in Don Fabio’s alarm ‘Simpsons’ clock and a desperate attempt to lure Peter Shilton out of retirement. 

* This story is constructed from fiction.

May 31, 2010

England players: We’d rather go on holiday



Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

England boss Don Fabio Capello is facing a selection dilemma just 10 days before the World Cup with a number of players admitting they would rather go on holiday than work-over time this summer.

The England players, such as Tom Huddlestone, Darren Bent, Michael Carrick, Theo Walcott and Shaun Wright-Philips made their feelings abundantly clear from two lackluster performances against Mexico and Japan.

And now Don Fabio is facing an anxious wait to see if he can find enough players to make up his 23-man squad that will travel to South Africa.

Contingency plans are being drawn up with former players David Batty and even Emile Heskey touted for recalls.

“I don’t really fancy it to be honest,” said Huddlestone after the 2-1 win over Japan. “I’d rather go on holiday.

“The FA have promised us loads of fun trips and stuff, like safaris, fishing and even the chance to watch Brazil play.

“But its been a long and hard season and I just want to chill out and relax, not do more work for not much more money.

“And to be honest my family are planning to go to DisneyLand – the land where dreams come true. How can England’s trip to the World Cup compete with that? It can’t.”

The group of players informed Don Fabio of their decision after the game against Japan. Having showered and changed, they knocked on the managers door and sheepishly told the England boss of their intentions to fly to the Magic Kingdom without delay.

“Credit to Theo, he told the boss of our decision,” said Carrick. “Don Fabio took it very well – he said that he knew we’d wanted to go for sometime and to have fun.

“He said our minds never looked in the game – and we should go and enjoy it. There will always be other World Cups and career-defining moments.”

* This story was constructed from fiction.