Posts tagged ‘Fabio Capello’

April 26, 2010

Exclusive: Cole ‘considering’ WAG selection

Cole: Back on form?

Bill Hack Chief Football Correspondent

England have received a massive boost ahead of the World Cup with news that Cheryl Cole could travel to South Africa after all – potentially bolstering a worryingly depleted WAG squad.

The nation was pitched into doom only a few months ago amid fears she would not play any part in this summer’s World Cup after sustaining ‘emotional injuries’ following a ‘domestic incident’ rumoured to involve her ‘diva’ husband Cashley.

But, as SportingBalls can exclusively reveal, the talismanic Cole is said to be recovering well and almost ready to return to the limelight – fuelling speculation that she could make a dramatic comeback in time for the global event.

A source close to Cole said: “It has always been Cheryl dream to go the World Cup since she was a little girl.

“To be a star at the World Cup is the toughest challenge in the game – the competition is just so intense. There are the French, Italians, Dutch Brazilians and always the underrated Germans all vying to be number one. And they will go to any length, especially the Argentines. Thank god the Swedes did not make it.

“Cheryl’s one remaining ambition in the game is to party on Table-Top Mountain during a World Cup – it would be a fitting conclusion to a glorious career and no amount of emotional or physical hurt is going to stop her from achieving her goal.”

Cole’s availability would certainly be a significant boost to the entire nation.

Following the withdrawal of Victoria Beckham through injury, fears that Abbey Clancy could be permanently lost on ITV 4 and Danielle Lloyd’s ‘admirable’ decision to drop down a couple of divisions, critics were suggesting this could be the weakest squad of WAGs to travel to a World Cup since the East Germans in 1974.

If that was not enough, the reputation of WAGs everywhere has also taken a severe hammering in recent months after rumours of in-fitting and sleeping with each other’s trophy boyfriends.

Indeed, some former WAGs suggested that selection for the elite club had become far too easy after Jordan revealed she was at one stage a WAG.

But Cole remains one of the most popular WAGs in the English game and will attract huge tabloid and female support to the England cause, as well as galvanising the squad with her role as shots master.

And England boss Fabio Capello remains hopeful she will be able to play a full part in their campaign in South Africa.

She would certainly bring in an x-factor,” Capello quipped to himself.

Our resident football pundit Steve Journeyman, the former Hull, Grimsby, Doncaster, Plymouth, Burton Albion, Hartlepool and Accrington Stanley utility player, said: ” I saw one of Cheryl’s concerts on TV once and fair play to the las, you’ve got to admire her balls.”

The reigning World Champions

* This story was recycled from rubbish.

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February 1, 2010

England turn to Sir Cliff after Terry scandal

Sir Cliff Richard will lead the team to the World Cup in South Africa this summer after being unveiled as the new England football captain.

The 92-year-old forever-young Richard, who will be aided by first mate Tim Henman, was appointed to the role after John Terry was stripped of the captaincy following allegation of having sex in private.

Archbishop Rupert Murdoch, from the Department for the Enforcement of Moral Standards – also known as the New Of The World – revealed the allegations of Terry’s affair with French model Vanessa Perroncel at a sermon on Sunday morning.

Miss Perrocncel admitted Terry’s positions had become untenable and that was the reason for the end of the affair.

The revelations led to indignation and outrage from bankers, MPs, lager-louts and ravenous tabloid page-turners alike, who have taken offence at the ‘arrogance’, ‘lying’, ‘cheating’, ‘manipulation’, ‘sordid gossip’ and ‘apparent lack of remorse’.

The FA had hoped to promote one of England’s current squad but after long discussions with various candidates it was revealed that they all lacked the ‘moral authority’ and ‘fortitude’ to lead this nation’s missionary efforts in South Africa this summer.

Coach Fabio Capello uncovered allegations of bar brawls, affairs, cheating and even the soliciting of services for commercial gain in various players’ pasts.

“In the end we had very little choice,” a source from on high stressed. “Gary Lineker’s name did crop up – he was never booked during his career. But then we discovered he has been divorced and is on his second marriage.

“Whatever happened to the Corinthian spirit?

“This behaviour would be fine for a pre-season tour of Ibiza but this is the World Cup and the world will be watching our conduct.

“To send a team with their record would be to mar and sully the reputation of the fine young men of this country who know nothing but sobriety and infidelity. Think of the children, for pity’s sake think of the children!

“Cheating, scoring away from home and just taking what they want. Is that the behaviour we want from our boys when they go abroad?”

“Sir Cliff is the ideal person to restore national pride. Just look at what he has done with tennis. After his appointment as high priest and moral leader of tennis culture, we have enjoyed nothing but naivety feel-good . Sure we haven’t won anything but we have been morally cleansed as a nation.”

Sir Cliff will announce his World Cup squad a month prior to the tournament with rumours of a call up for ‘ Jonny ‘Wonderboy’ Wilkinson.

*This story is entirely fictitious