Fabregas fallout could ‘block out sun for months’

Bill Hack Chief football correspondent

Scientists fear the dark cloud of transfer speculation currently hanging over North London could ‘block out the sun for the next three months and pose a substantial threat to the sanity of the human race’.

The hot air linking Cesc Fabregas with a move to Barcelona has been spewing out of the Nou Camp since Monday and is now lingering ominously over North London.

Not only are Arsenal fans likely to remain grounded for the immediate future, but scientists are warning the choking speculation could match the toxic levels of the Berbatov saga of two years ago.

The media’s role in running about screaming and prophesising the downfall of the Emirates Empire is increasingly coming under scrutiny for heightening the sense of panic.

“The situation is very serious,” one scientist told SportingBalls.

“Joan Laporta is known for spewing out an enormous amount of rubbish – particularly in the summer – but at the moment the prevailing winds are blowing onto English shores.

“If something isn’t done, then within a few days people will be choking on it. It gets everywhere and soon people will be passing it on to others involuntary.

“The fear is that it could exceed the lethal levels seen during the Berbatov transfer to Manchester United, which lasted for months and drove many people to depression and insanity.

“Ultimately it could block out the sun for the next three months and pose a substantial threat to the sanity of the human race.”

*This story is constructed of 90% fiction.